Mу ԁеаr friend аחԁ I wеrе preparation ουr weddings аt tһе same time. During tһе administer, ѕһе һаѕ wanted tο υѕе mу wedding colors, floral tһουɡһtѕ, photographer, аחԁ party favors. I tried helping һеr brilliant һеr οwח invitations аחԁ waited until ѕһе ordered сеrtаіח things pertaining tο һеr wedding before answering аחу qυеѕtіοחѕ аbουt mу personal plans. Now tһаt mу wedding һаѕ passed (аחԁ yes ѕһе wаѕ іח іt) іt һаѕ gotten worse! Sһе wаחtѕ tο borrow mу tiara, υѕе tһе music I played іח tһе ceremony, tһе location wһеrе I һаԁ mу marriage shower, etc!!!! I worked mу behind οff tο рƖοt mу οwח ɡοrɡеουѕ occasion. I аm іח һеr upcoming wedding. I've tοƖԁ һеr tһаt ѕһе needs tο υѕе һеr οwח special touch bυt ѕһе's חοt getting іt.
Hοw ԁο I tеƖƖ һеr tο υѕе һеr οwח creativity without causing tension?
Wе've bееח friends fοr over 10 years.
Yes mу wedding wаѕ original bесаυѕе іt wаѕ a Harlem Renaissance/1930s theme. Tһе οחƖу people wһο wеrе аt mу wedding wһο wіƖƖ attend һеrѕ іѕ mу friend аחԁ һеr future husband, therefore, everything ѕһе copies ѕһе wіƖƖ ɡеt tһе confidence fοr. I know іt seems silly bυt іt's sillier tο mе tο copy someone еƖѕе's wedding. Dіԁ I tеƖƖ уου ѕһе changed һеr plans аחԁ іѕ honeymooning аt tһе same рƖасе I аm?!
Tags: 10 years, 1930s, bridal shower, creativity, dear friend, harlem renaissance, honeymooning, invitations, music, party favors, personal plans, photographer, tension, wedding colors, weddings
It may be understandable that she may want to use some of the same things like venue (it worked so well for your needs too) and such.
Even if it is not understandable that she also wants to use such personal things as the music and your tiara.
Remember all the other thoughts you had? Different songs that had to be set aside? Other color combinations? The other tiara you nearly chose? Different traditions that sounded fantastic but you just didnt use?
Tell her you liked the songs you chose but there was also this other one there just wasn't time to include. You saw this tiara after puchasing the one you have now and the other one would look so fantastic on her. Take her shopping to try it on. Try to direct her somewhere else.
Tell her you like the creative administer and want to help her make hers as unique as possible.
Keep her out of the loop.
Don't worry about it. Let her copy you and just be flattered that she likes your taste so much.
It's excellent that yours was first - everyone will know that she is photocopying you, and not vice versa. I would really reckon of it as flattery. If she isn't creative, then she just isn't. It's a shame, but there's not much you can really do.
DON'T TELL HER YOUR IDEAS, OR GIVE HER FALSE ONES
Don't tell her your thoughts…but obviously it's too late. Just tell her that she should pick her own colors, etc. n
Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. Obviously, you have excellent taste…so why not share it? I was under the depression that friends helped each other out, and it's not as if she's taking anything away from you.
stop telling her what you are going to do
well she seen everything you did at your wedding so it's not a secret anymore. If she questions you where you got anything or the number for a specific location just play dumb. It's so sad when your wedding is being copied. A wedding is suppose to be a wonderful day that you and your fiance plotted and to be unique for the two of you. She needs to follow her own taste and creative top.
This may not be the best way to do it, but if I were you I'd drag my feet on the things she wanted from me until she was forced to do it on her own. Pretty sure that's a very passive way of avoiding the problem, but it might work. You could try amplification to her exactly how you're feeling but people rarely take that advice anyway. Excellent luck!
Photocopying someone is a compliment! She can do whatever she wants even if it's exactly like yours! It's her choice and nothing you can do about it!
Sounds like she even stole your date of the wedding.
She wants her wedding to be as lovely as yours and she's copyng you. Remember the saying, "Imitiation is the sincerest form of flattery".
It seems to bother you , but she is not bothered at all. Let it go if you can.
Since you wedding is done and over with, let her copy your thoughts. I reckon someday she will unhappiness not preparation things out on her own.
Since your wedding was first you could be flattered she wishes to use your thoughts, safe in the knowledge you had the thoughts first. If you can't view it as flattering when she questions to borrow your tiara etc. austerely say you'd rather not as you want to keep everything from your wedding personal. It's always better to be honest sooner rather than later.
That is just plain silly and incorrect, I would despise it if my friend copied me. Don't aid her in anyway with photocopying your thoughts. If she wants to copy let her do it by herself and tell her how it bothers you. If you suppress your emotions she will reckon its ok so confront her, and if she does it anyway then she doesn't care about your feelings and if she doesn't care about your feelings then stop caring about hers. That's like you writing a bestselling novel and someone coming in and writing their version of your novel without your permission.
I know that it is hard to be flattered when you place so much time and effort into your thoughts while she is just taking them and in succession with it. since you had yours first and it sounds like there will be some of the same people there (which could also be a fantastic reason you could use on why she should try to add her own thoughts), they will know the score. In regards to her "borrowing" your things from the first wedding, I would austerely disorder that these are rather personal keepsakes and you have place them away for your family.
sounds like you should be getting a wedding preparation fee. I don't know why she would want to steal your thoughts for your wedding since you two are individuals and her wedding should be personalized to fit her and her future hubby. This is weird that she would want the exact same thing as you. Or then again maybe you should be flattered that she really liked your thoughts that you came up with for your wedding. She liked how your wedding turned out and don't want to take any chances ruining hers by using a different DJ, photographer etc.
Tell her you have changed venue to Mcdonalds, Music to some godawful freeform jazz dirge, flowers to triffids, photographer to Robert Maplethorpe (ouch) etc - let her rip off those thoughts.
Obviously, you have a creative flair for this sort of thing which she does not. Guide her via suggestions like "You know, I reckon warmer colors might be better for you, since your eyes are so much darker." I'm not sure what the problem is with your friend using the same locations. If you have already researched and determined them to be best, then why should she duplicate your research?
DON'T let her borrow your tiara OR use your music that was played in the ceremony. You "lost" it or is being taken care of somewhere else. Don't tell her where or what type it was.
SHE does not dictate where her marriage shower is being held. If you can, talk to the marriage party and ensure its not being held where yours was held.
Or you can consider it flattering, it should not lessen your gorgeous day.
Edit: As long as she is not at your honeymoon location the same time you are, don't worry about that. I haven't told ANYONE the exact location I plot on having the honeymoon and don't plot on it until we get back.
What a trying question. How accurate are you? Maybe she is being sincere and loved your wedding so much she wants a touch similar. As to borrowing your tiara, well, that is up to you, but if you don't, tell her you already had it vacuum packed along with your dress and it is such a fuss to open the package once it's sealed, etc, etc. Offer to go tiara shopping with her, but of course she has to know this might be a one timer, because you are already busy getting on with your life as as newlyweds. Sort of become unavailable if need be.
Maybe she really has no special touch. Some people are seriously missing in it. Have her look over marriage magazines or visit one of those places like wedding expos, where all the wedding suppliers hold a sort of convention and you can browse owing to all of them in one place. This is a fantastic place to get thoughts.
I reckon I would have a memory lapse! When she questions where or how or what, just tell her that you just don't remember, there was so much going on then and since that there are some things that you just forgot. Also, if she wants to borrow things, or questions you to look up the things you forgot, I'd just either 'forget to do so' or tell her they are all in storage packed away. As for your tiara - that's your call you can either let her use it as her a touch borrowed - or you can tell her the style doesn't go with her gown, or tell her that a touch else will look so much better.
I'm worried this girl will not know subtlety, so either come aptly out and tell her that you did the work for your own wedding so except she plans to pay you as consultant, she can do her own work!
you dont have to be rude, but be very serious just tell her that you reckon she should come up with her own thoughts for her own wedding, thats one option. or you can stop telling her stuff tell her her needs to wait like everyone else. if her wedding is after yous then tell her not to use the stuff of your that she was preparation. excellent luck sweetie and get tuff if you have to.and if she is your real friend then she wont give you a hard time about it.
When she is preparation things, say " that's what I did" keep saying it and maybe she will finally see that she is photocopying what you had. As far as the Tiara, I would say that you reckon she should get her own so someday she can pass it on to her daughter when she gets married. You can't stop her from where she has her marriage shower, If you had your music taped, then go have a touch different taped for her and when a touch is said " oh I got them mixed up, I must have misplaced it, or suggest that you help her pick out some thing that is special for both of them. There might not be a way to tell her, but you can only suggest different things.
Who cares? You already had yours, if she copies it, it just looks like she's unoriginal it doesn't take away from your special day. It takes away from hers. Then again I'm a guy, I'd be just as pleased with a vegas quickie as a real one.
preparation a wedding and the wedding day are among the most gorgeous things in life…and she should want to have a unique wedding by adding her personal touch…as for the tiara…tell her that she should use her own tiara…because if she keeps it over the years, she could pass it on to her daughter if she should have one..she could start a tradition in her family
Sadly, I can nearly promise you that everything you've done in your wedding has been done before. If you saw it in a marriage book, you were photocopying, too…
She saw what she liked and is using it. It's not going to be the same people at the wedding, and for those that ARE going to attend both, they will know that you had those things first…
Obviously she knows all your thoughts as she was in your wedding, so not much you can do about that. Honestly, how does her having some similar things in her wedding in any way ruin your special day? It will be obvious to some people who attend both weddings that she copied you. And it doesn't take away from how fantastic your day was to you.
If you really don't like it, tell her straight up to stop stealing your thoughts. But since your wedding is over and done with, I would just let bygones be bygones and not worry about it.
your wedding is already passed and chances are you weren't the first person to come up with all of your thoughts. they are really honest game - keep suggesting other thoughts for her, but unfortunately theres not much you can do about it. it's only material items from your wedding- atleast she's not trying to steal your marriage and your man. focus on what really counts.
I'm guessing you both would have many of the same people at your weddings, in which case, she looks like a copycat and lame since you just got married with the exact same stuff she is trying to copy.
I know why you are annoyed, you have ever aptly to be. I would be, too. I would just make excuses (about packing away the tiara, or tell her you lost the number of your florist, etc.) and hope that she would take the hint. If she's really dim, you should say a touch like "I feel like your wedding is not really reflecting your personality and your interests, as a couple. Would you like me to help you come up with some thoughts?" Use themes from their relationship to make a wedding theme, or potentially wedding colors (say, if they're both golfers, they can use green). Trust me, if she's as unoriginal as you say, she will need all the help she can get.
photocopying is the best form of flattery.
i know it sucks, but for the sake of your friendship, just let her go.
you had your wedding first, so at least anyone who gets the "deja vu" feeling will be thinking, this chick is photocopying off of you…and not the other way around.
if she wants to copy your wedding, just let her….
or you can mention next time she questions about a touch from your wedding….
"you know, you're using an dreadful lot of thoughts from my wedding…are you sure you don't want a touch more original???"
it may sting, but if it's bothering you that much….maybe you should speak up and maybe she doesn't even realize what she's doing!
This is bizarre. I know while I'm preparation my wedding I've been trying so hard to make sure I DON'T copy anything my friends have done before. I cannot imagine purposely asking to do again their thoughts. And yeah, I get what people are saying about it being flattering, but I wouldn't care if it were me. I wouldn't want someone to come behind me and do my exact wedding all over again. Sure, every thought you have, someone has done before, but generally a accurate friend hasn't done them all! I'd be ticked, and would have to agree with Cory C…I'd be having amnesia on a lot of things I'd done. As far as the tiara goes. That's sacred to me. That was a special part of my day, and except it was my daughter, I can't see myself letting someone borrow it. Try to help her forget your plans and help her make some of her own ones. Maybe go to websites together or look at new magazines and steer her toward a touch that doesn't resemble yours as much. Maybe even lie to her and say a touch like "You know, that was nice at my wedding, but if I had it to do all over again, I would have chosen a touch different." Maybe she'll follow that advice.
There are only so many ways to throw a wedding, and you already had yours. Are all the same people going to be in attendance? I am guessing doubtless not. So who cares if she uses your thought or borrows a touch from you? Where will your tiara get better use? In a box in the attic, or loaning it to a excellent friend?
Now that my wedding is over, I have a friend who is *sort of* preparation a wedding. Not officially yet. But the first thing I am thinkig is that I can save her a bunch of time and money if she is attracted in borrowing any of my stuff… like the tiara, jewelry, decorations. I even finished up with all the certerpieces.
I reckon this is one of those things that you should just let slide. It's really not going to hurt you in the grand scheme of things.
You know, you don't have a copyright on your wedding theme.
That said, you don't owe her any help in photocopying yours. Austerely stop helping her.
I would consider it more flattery than anything. Let her do what she wants for her wedding….after all, you got the chance to do what you wanted. If you have already told her to use her own flair and she is not, there is small you can do. Besides, your wedding was first and anyone who will be witness to both either will know she is photocopying you….or they will not even notice the similarities. Bottom line, she is your friend and this is how she wants to do it. The only thing you can say no to is the tiara I guess… be pleased for her. I'm sure she was with you.
she's wanting to be like you because she likes what you did, I'd be honored that someone would want to have stuff the same way you did. If it bothers you this much tell her what you just told us.
stop sharing w her
As annoying as this is, it is really kind of sad too. This poor girl obviously does not have enough confidence in herself or her decisions to follow owing to with plans of her own. That is why she is using your thoughts. She must really value your taste and opinions! In a way, it is flattering, but I do know your feelings too!
There may not be anything you can do, except you really want to hurt her feelings.